the change of season always drags me under and my heart is in the heavyweight division
the stars' collision asks a question with every single burst of spontaneity
"hey it's me
just checking in just making sure you're still awake"
i block it's more communication than I think I can take
a disappointment might be all I'll ever be
and the fact she's still around
is a miracle that kills me.

but it's so unreal
the way she walks sixteen inches above the ground
i wonder how
i want to be her for a second just to understand
the clouds follow me around
despite the best attempts to bloom
this is a stormy winter, and spring may not follow through
i wish that i could float away the way that she does
i wish that i could never land.

i wonder how she does it, how the equinox can feed her instead of feeding on her
i'm not a goner yet but i can't handle weather changes the way she can
march be damned
i wonder how long it was that i did not exist
hanging around like i was some sort of masochist
and how many days went by without her knowing exactly how shittily everything was going.

but it's so unreal
the way she walks sixteen inches above the ground
i wonder how
i want to be her for a second just to understand
the clouds follow me around
despite the best attempts to bloom
this is a stormy winter, and spring may not follow through
i wish that i could float away the way that she does
i wish that i could never land.

we are all secondary to someone else's story
filling roles of every category
we could be stagehands, cameos, the love interest,
the gay best friend, or even the antagonist

the wind starts picking up and i have a sinking feeling anchored to the ground:
bodies that were never found
i never thought i'd have it worse than junior year
i watch her disappear
and she is floating away
and i will never see her again
and she will never hear me again
and i will never speak again.